i wrote a song. xP rate, comment, advice?!

[savannah]

Lyrics ;;

(Verse One)
I don’t know any other guy that can twist me around their finger just like you do.
My heart races every time that I see you.
Every single time.
Oh, whoa, oh.

(Chorus)
I don’t know what it is but I love you.
Crazy as I am, it’s true.
Oh, I know it’s true.
Baby, I love you.
I do.

(Verse Two)
When your hand, touches mine, shivers go up and down my spine.
I wonder, if this could be real.
Or could it be a dream?
I don’t care, as long as you’re here with me.
Ohhhh.

(Chorus)
I don’t know what it is but I love you.
Crazy as I am, it’s true.
Oh, I know it’s true.
Baby, I love you.
I do.

(Verse Three)
I’ve always been searching for someone to tell me who I am.
You were that one.
I can’t believe it.
You made my heart stop.
Oh how you made my heart stop.

Hmkay, so there is a few parts that need tweaking but overall I think that it's done. xDDD It's the first song that I have ever written! I would love more then anything to make a video of me singing this song and then post it on YouTube or some other site but sadly, when I recorded me singing it I choked on a french frie because I sounded like a bullhorn. xP

[carlia]

Oooh~ You've got a lovely beat on the chorus! Too bad I can't listen to it.

And I like that last verse. =3

Hmm... I'm not sure if I can give you any advice, there are some things about it that seem slightly off, but I just can't put my finger on it. It would probably sound better than how it's going in my head, though. =X

[savannah]

Thanks so much, Carakins! =D

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Yeah I really like the beat, it's really nice. I think the first verse is my favorite one, lyric-wise, especially the first line But it's really nice, good job!!! -squeals and hugs-

[savannah]

thanks a lot, lu!

[Moon Coldbite]

Wow it's so pretty! i sing in the shower but that's about it xP Oh and I go christmas charoling coz i'm a loser ;D jk.
I think it's totally great! Yeah my fav lines are:


I don’t know any other guy that can twist me around their finger just like you do.

I don’t know what it is but I love you.
Crazy as I am, it’s true.

I wonder, if this could be real.
Or could it be a dream?

I’ve always been searching for someone to tell me who I am.
You were that one.


So yeah Oh, you do you just have the song, or have you got music in there? I made a song to go with something I made on garage band a while ago but I lost it xD

You should add on to it with a bridge or something too!