Well, since I'm oh-so-confused...

[Moon Coldbite]

Ok seriously, where is the admirers thread?! I mean, I know there is one in the diaries board, but that's only for thoughts, and I need the thread one! so since I can't find it, i'm just gonna post here:

I was reading all about that thread with Robin and Rowan, yanno the one, and Rowans post was so awesome that I wanted to post it in the admirers thread but, alas, I couldn't find it! -tears up- now, without further ado, here it is!

Aug 27, 2008 9:33:19 GMT -5 @rowan said:

Rowan offered up a small, quick smile as the younger cat introduced himself. Not as much of a kitten as he'd first suspected - more adolescent, closer to becoming an adult. And what fun he'll have that, Rowan thought bitterly, her tail flicking slightly in annoyance behind him. It wasn't like him to be so harsh - not even in his thoughts - but recently stress had been building on him. Rowan remembered the fight he'd had the other day and felt a small tremor run through him. He was definitely not in the best state of mind these days. Constantly thinking about... her. His eyes closed as he seemed to try and draw on strength from inside of him. Dapple. The pretty tortoiseshell haunted his thoughts, seeming to follow his every paw step. The worst part was that he didn't mind. He enjoyed thinking about his old love. He missed her.

Rowan frowned. 'Old love' wasn't the best way to describe their relationship - not at all. Nothing had ended between them. He'd told Dapple he would find her and then... he'd run off with the fist pretty she-cat he'd met on the street. Rowan cursed under his breath, his eyes narrowing. It wasn't like that! He was twisting everything that had happened. Violet wasn't just some pretty she-cat. She was amazing and unique and she was everything that was perfect for him. And he loved her. And it wasn't fair to her to be thinking about Dapple so much - with regret. Rowan's tail lashed behind him. I can think about whoever the hell I want to think about, he thought defiantly. Was that it then? He felt too enclosed now? Not enough freedom now that he had a mate and - he forced himself to think it - kittens. Rowan winced. They were the reason that made this all worse. It wasn't just about him and Violet and Dapple. There were the kittens now. He couldn't just walk out on them.

His eyes widened in shock. He hadn't seriously thought that! The kittens were not his only excuse. He couldn't use them that way in his mind - as the things that tied him down and forced him not to leave. He'd end up despising them. Violet. He loved Violet. Even if they didn't have kittens, he would never walk out on her. Right?... Rowan found he couldn't answer that question. It would be terrible to leave Violet but he'd already been so terrible to Dapple. No matter who he was with that, he would have hurt the other one. And not just by not choosing them - he would betray them. Cheat on them. He wasn't like that but now he was trapped in a vicious circle.

He gave a small growl, lifting his head as he shook it angrily. He froze. Ah yes. He'd quite forgotten that he had company. He gave a small cough, uncomfortably. What had the kitten - Robin - been asking him? Something about family. Also, had he introduced himself? "I'm Rowan," he said slowly, his tail twitching as he sat down. He smiled, a quick but easy smile. "Friends?" He blinked. "Not really." Dapple had been his best friend and he had betrayed her. He winced. He wasn't going to spend the rest of the day thinking about Dapple with every thought. It would be hard though. "Family, yes. A... a mate. Violet." He smiled, hoping it seemed genuine. How could he even begin to explain the complicatedness of everything to Robin? It felt hopeless.

He shouldn't. There was no reason for him to spill out his life story to this random kitten. He'd just act as if it was all normal. Normal. Ha. "Kittens," he murmured, then glanced up with a wry grin. "Three kittens. Pecan, Pistachio and Cinnamon - Minny." He smiled, thinking about the kittens. He really did love them - each of them. They were so amazing... "I used to have a friend." The words were out of his mouth before he realized he'd spoken them and he froze. After a moment he gulped and spoke again, his words bitter this time instead of wistful. "We loved each other, Dapple and I." Despite the bitterness, there was defiance there too, as if daring this young tom to challenge what he had said.

"She was taken away." He had said these words so many times but never like them. Always, it had been painful. His eyes would close, his words would trail off. Never had he spat them so harshly, his mouth twisting over the words. Never had he felt anything but sadness when speaking them. Never this sudden anger - this sudden hate. His eyes flashed. "The humans, I mean. We lived on a farm." He gave a harsh laugh. "Little pets, eh?" His eyes narrowed. They took their little pet away. They took her away." His voice was rising in volume but as he spoke the words again he could feel himself choking over them - the first hint of sadness showing through. This bothered him. "I told her I would find her," he hissed, his eyes gleaming crazily as he continued, speaking more to himself than anyone else. "And then they took me too. I wanted to look for her. I loved her and I'd promised. I'd told her to wait for me." He gave a sudden, unexpected yet savage growl.

"Then I met Violet." The words were spoke angrily and he flinched, forcing himself to stop. "I. Do. Not. Hate. Violet." He spoke each word forcibly. There could be no misunderstanding here. "I. Love. Her." He trembled with anger. "And for that, I hate myself." He rose to his paws, unable to bear sitting still any longer. He began to pace angrily, his tail lashing through the air behind him. "I was always a gentleman," he hissed. "Always! Bu I ran off with Violet. I'd told myself I would find Dapple and let her know so things would be okay. I still haven't. It wouldn't even make things better." His voice was no longer angry, simply hollow with defeat. His head swung around as he turned, striding back towards Robin though he was no longer focused on the kitten. "There is nothing I can do to make it better."

He blinked as he stopped in front of Robin, seeming to see the young tom for the first time. He'd forgotten about him and a well of emotion of some sort rose inside of him. He'd just poured this out to a stranger? Why? Maybe because I can't stop thinking about her. About Violet too. About the dilemma I have. "It's impossible to converse with anyone because I can't spare myself for the trivialities," he spat angrily. "I have a problem. And it's no even about me. Don't you see? Either way, someone gets hurt. Not because they've both fallen for me and I can only choose one..." He made a disgusted sound at the back of his throat.

"Because I made a mistake! I hurt Dapple, I betrayed her! And if I make things right, I'll hurt Violet!" His tone was pleading now, though what he was begging of this kitten he could scarcely imagine. "I'm the bad guy here," he whispered. With a harsh laugh, he took a step back, his gaze re-focusing on Robin. "Trust me. You don't want to be my friend. I hurt everyone." The words were spoken bitterly. "You're better off just moving on your way." He spoke the words calmly but with resignation. "I'm sorry for unburdening myself on you. It's the only thing I can think of right now." That wasn't an excuse but then, nothing was. He gave a small sigh, lowering his head in defeat.

OOC: Sorry for taking so long. He's in a weird mood lol. I figure maybe Robin can maybe try and say something comforting and then either Rowan gets mad and is like 'There's nothing you can do for you, kind words don't change anything!' and attack though that's a bit more far-fetched or maybe while he's trying to be nice he says something that Rowan takes offense to - maybe something about Dapple cause he's really sensitive about that or like him hurting Violet or Dapple. Meh, those are just some brainstorms lol. Basically, he doesn't need to actually leave, I still plan on them fighting xD

[robin]

Yep that was pretty amazing! It's gonna be hard replying to that. o.O Lol, it'll be fun at least. x3 Well done Lu, great post!

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Aww thankies Moon xD The admirer's thread is actually under the games board - and then there's a seperate one under Thoughts for admiring people's thoughts thread. But this works fine too