[.A . S T A R . L I K E . F I R E.]

[Indigo Wintertrap]

What's left to believe in?

"Ah but isn't there a difference between having a purpose and fate? A purpose would entail that everyone has a reason to be here. There's no set act that each person will do. They need to find out how to serve their purpose and do good in the world. Fate would imply that there's a specific destiny in mind for us." She shrugged. "I believe in carving my own path - the decisions I make are my own, they weren't pre-determined."

She shrugged again, this time at Ash's questions. It was probably quite obvious to him that she hadn't been a stray for long. That she had a housepet past. Her nose wrinkled. "I've been on the streets for about three months I think. Maybe a bit less, maybe more." She shrugged. Soon enough, she reasssured herself, no one would be able to tell that she used to be a pet. At least not at a glance. Besides, she had 'run away'. There was nothing wrong with that. Her eyes darkened. Being a housepet was one thing but... an abandoned pet? That even humans didn't want around?

That was beyond pathetic.

And that was the very last thing that Indigo was.

In this crumbling world of ours.

[Ash Firestar]

Nobody can force you to do anything

++ He shrugged, not really wanting to stay on the topic anymore, "All I know is that you and I obviously have different views of fate. And we probably can't get eigther one to go to one-another's side, sooo....yeah...i think you get it." He smiled slightly, "Wow, how'd you escape?" He asked, quickly getting on a different topic.

++ Probably just hopped onto the gate and saw a whole world in front of her paws, and just decided to get away from the box she was living in. He thought, maybe he could be totally off. Maybe her owner went away for a week or so and moved out, leaving her in the dust. He had no idea what to expect from Indigo, she was highly unexpected. But, you know the saying, "Expect the Unexpected"? Well, you can't 'expect the unexpected' with Inidgo, that saying won't ever describe her. He shrugged it off and waited for her reply.

You have a choice.

[Indigo Wintertrap]

What lies?

She grinned at Ash – a wry grin. ”Alright,” she laughed softly. ”We’ll leave it at that then. Both too stubborn for our own good?” she raised one brow and chuckled to herself, amused. Ash was certainly a different cat from most. But, why exactly? Her lips tugged into an almost frown as she pondered this question. Perhaps it had something to do with how similar he was to her – in some days. She was used to be completely unique. But phrased like that, it put Ash in a bad light. Like she couldn’t stand out as much, like he was competition, like he was trying to steal her spotlight. The frown increased into a pout, bottom lip pushed out.

But that wasn’t right. That wasn’t Ash at all. She lifted her head, running her eyes over him. He was nice enough from what she had seen. There was something special about him, though. And try as she might to hide it from herself, it annoyed her. She blinked as he questioned her about her so-called escape. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead offered up a 100% friendly and 100% fake smile, while shrugging nonchalantly to suggest that it was no big deal.

”I was an outdoor-“ No. No no no. How was that impressive? ”I was outdoors one day. Well, I wasn’t supposed to be. They were eating outside and I slipped out. They tried to chase me and I was scared and I ran. And then I realized that I was free. And I knew I wasn’t going back.” The story sounded good, as spur of moment as it was. It made logical sense and wasn’t too extravagant. It was believable. But most importantly, it saved her a lot more pride than the truth. Which was what she was attempting to save in the first place.

In the eye of the beholder.

[Ash Firestar]

Lying is telling a false story,
Lying is no way to impress one another,
Because they always find out in the end.

++ He listened to the fluent words pour out of her mouth, he glanced up and down her body, wondering if she was lying or not. Ash gave Indigo a disaproving glance but replied politely, "That's very...." he paused as he looked for a word that sounded like he believed her story,"amazing." He thought it sounded kind of flat, he was just really unsure that she was telling the truth, he shrugged it off, "I went through almost all my life as a stray, got caught by 'The Snatchers', thrown in the pound, rescued by some dumb, un-knowing human, then as soon as they let me out in their un-guarded yard I leaped up and ran away. I was never meant to live in a house, ever." Now there was an un-believable story that was true. He did not want to impress her, nor did he want to sound weak. That was really his life story and he was proud of it.

++ He smiled gently and glanced over the tabby's slender frame. The fact that she may be lying nagging at the back of his mind as he tried to push it away; he believed that Indigo would never have to impress him, he'd be her friend no matter what past she had, but did she know that? Of course she didn't. He knew she wasn't lying, at least that's what he kept telling himself, he didn't want to believe if she did lie to him, that's not faithful or truthful. He tried to shrug all that off his shoulders, but it didn't work, it was stuck there like glue.

If you do it once it's a mistake,
If you do it twice it's a habbit.
Lying should never become a habbit.

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Oh what a tangled web we weave
When we first practice to deceive

Something inside Indigo fluttered as Ash replied. He knew. She had no clue how but he knew she was lying. Damn. Damn damn damn. She couldn't exactly out and say 'Oops, actually I was left on the side of the road. My bad. I get confused sometimes.' She wanted to snort in disbelief at the mere thought. It would be asking for a train wreck. She couldn't pretend it was an accident but it wouldn't exactly look good to be all 'Actually I lied to you. Haha. Forgive me?' Then again, if she said nothing that would be like she was continuing to lie. Ugh. This was so stupid. Why did she even care? And how did she know that Ash knew? It wasn't like she'd never lied before so who cared, anyways?

"You think I'm lying," she pouted, grinning so as to make it clear that she was only teasing. She was gauge her next move by his reaction. Then Ash told his story and she raised one brow. If her story was a lie than so was his. 'Never meant to live in a house.' Pff. Neither was Indigo Wintertrap, even if she wouldn't have realized that had she never been abandoned. Escaped, she reminded herself. You escaped. It wasn't that unbelievable. Besides, she'd tell that story to everyone else and it would be accepted as her history. It wasn't like she'd told anyone different. Well, so far, yes. But that would all change now.

After all, it's not that hard to change a lie into truth.

And it's most definately possible.

[Ash Firestar]

If you do it once, it's a mistake.

++ Ash was shocked, though he had a way of not showing his emotions on his face. She knew that he thought she was lying, well, Well, she kind of asked me if I thought she was lying sarcastically... he assured himself. "Of course I do!" He replied in a very sarcastic tone. "But, of course if you really are, I would like to know the truth. I don't care if your parents hated you and left you for dead. I don't care, I just want to know the truth." He added, "I just want you to know that I'll still think highly of you, even if you lied." He remarked. He glared at her, his blue eyes plus the glare gave it a kind of lightning look. He wondered if she'd admit and be truthful, or maybe she wasn't lying. He just really wanted to know if she was lying and this was her real life-story.

++ Mine was true. He assured himself, "You know, Indigo...I wasn't lying, you can look me in the eyes, I won't blink, look to the left, or any other crazy thing." He paused, "I assure you, that I am not lying about my life story, I don't care if my life story doesn't sound impressing." he remarked the last sentence, half to himself, half to Indigo. It was very quiet. All he knew was that she did escape, from whatever state she was in, left on the curb or from her kittypet life. She lived. You know though, I'm just really happy to have met you, no matter if you run away or not. No matter if you hate me 'til I die... He wanted to tell her that, no matter what happened he'd still be her friend.

++ He sighed. After this chat, he knew his life would never be the same. Maybe he'd go out living the rest of his days as a loner, maybe he'd go out and meet somebody else, or maybe even Indigo would stay his friend. Whichever one, he felt it'd be horrible.

Because you never know how somebody will react.

No matter how well you know them.

If you do it twice, it's a habbit.

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Indigo's eyes widened as Ash replied that of course, he thought she was lying. He was being sarcastic but, still... Was there some hidden message there for her to decode? "But, of course if you really are, I would like to know the truth. I don't care if your parents hated you and left you for dead. I don't care, I just want to know the truth." He added, "I just want you to know that I'll still think highly of you, even if you lied."

She glanced down at her paws, feeling uncomfortable after Ash's display of, well, kindness, towards her. It was truly unprecedented. He could have been disgusted with her or enfuriated or tried to lecture her about lying but instead, here he was, saying that all he wanted to know was the truth and he wouldn't think any less of her after hearing for it or for the fact that it would meant that she had lied. And she had. Her tail twitched and she bit the inside of her cheek, feeling trapped and obligated.

But no, that wasn't what Ash wanted. He was being genuinely nice to her and she wasn't going to go and ruin this. She liked Ash. She really did. And she didn't want to be the cause of the ruin of their friendship. Was it a friendship? Already? She liked to think so but... did Ash? She finally lifted her head. "It was a lie," she murmured quietly, looking him straight in the eye as she did. She would keep some redeeming qualities, after all. "I was in the human society a few times after my original owners whom I was born with gave me away. There was a human who took me in... We lived in a small apartment but he was really nice and affectionate with me. He'd play the guitar and I'd listen and wonder at how some humans were so horrible and boring and how he had managed to turn out this way...

"But then one day he didn't come back." She paused, inhaling sharply. "I was alone for a few days until another woman came in. I'd seen her a few times before, she was a relative of his, I think. Maybe a sister. She took me in for a week or so and then took me for a drive in the car. She left me on the road. She was crying and sad but she still did it. She abandoned me like I was some toy she had out grown." Indigo thrust her chin up. "Well I'm not. I'm a stray now and I'm free and I'm no longer that silly housecat whose fate is decided by humans."

It was hard because most strays hated humans. She had actually liked one of them. And now she was telling Ash. It felt good in a way but it also left her feeling extremely vulnerable, free for him to judge as he pleased. "Do you see why I held back? You're this amazing stray whose known all his life what he is. You weren't meant for a house. Neither was I but I didn't know that at first. I got to go through the process of being abandoned." She took a shaky breath in. "At first I thought it was normal. I met two other cats that had been abandoned. It wasn't such a big deal. It was just a milestone in a stray's life. But then I met cats who ran away. I met you who ran away. That thought never occured to me. Never.

"Of course you're not lying," she snorted angrily. "I believe you Ash. Why would you lie when you've known all along that you were meant to be a stray? You had a noble departure from the human world. You can fit in with the other rouges and rebels and whatnot. I'm one of the ex-kittypets that obviously knows nothing about surviving on the strees and can't even hunt! Where does that leave me?"

She sniffed and turned away, feeling even more exposed after her emotional outburst there. She definately hadn't meant to let things go that far. So much for keeping her cool, she'd just been spouting out words like there was no tomorrow. "You probably think I'm so stupid," she murmured quietly, still not looking at him. "You probably think I'm making a huge deal out of absolutely nothing." She sniffed. She felt terrible for not looking him in the face but she was too scared to see what she would find there.

Because Ash's opinion - his judgment - did matter to her. A lot.

[Ash Firestar]

If you tell the truth

++ Ash looked at her, he had this feeling inside of him that made him think that this was tough for Indigo. It was tough to tell the truth. It is hard. He told himself. He felt her pain, he had once been a terrible cat who almost lost himself in his lies. He listened intently as she spoke, he knew this was hard for her, he didn't know why or how he knew...he just did. He shrugged to himself and gave the she-cat onehundred percent of his attention. "Humane Society, huh?" he remarked. "Oh that's terrible!" Here and there, I guess I never gave humans a chance, I'm still against some of them... he remarked completely to himself. He made a few other remarks like, "I'm sorry." or "Wow..." he just stared at her as soon as she was finished.

++ Now I understand completely. He thought to himself. He gazed up at her like she was some kind of queen, his crystalline blue eyes stared at her. "Yes, I see why you held back, Indigo." He stated plainly, but understandably. He glared at her about her comment, she was jelous! "Now, I wouldn't exactly put it that way...I sort of...grew up with well...bad parents..." he struggled to put the right words together, "My mom was a kitty-pet and my dad a common stray," he paused, "My dad hoped for all his life for a girl, and my mother gave him both a girl and a boy. He loved my sister with all of his heart, and me, well, let's face it, I had no place in his heart." He looked at his paws, forcing tears back into his eye-sockets.

++ "My mother took care of my almost every need, after we were big enough to go out on our own she ran away from her house-life and her cool owner that I could not remember. I can hear her voice now, speaking of how he loved her so much and she enjoyed one song he played on the piano as well as guitar." He took a deep, studdering breath and started up again. "We lived with my father in 'his' alleyway. I had the smallest corner in the little 'cave' that he made for us, my sister had the biggest. She was spoiled and I was jelous, like you are now of me." He said suddenly, though he wished he hadn't. He ignored what he just said and continued, "I had it rough, my mom always trying to teach me things to live as a great stray, my dad never taught me anything. That made us both very upset," He stopped.

++ He wondered if he should continue or not... what if she didn't care? What if she was too mad at him to even hear him? Well, it felt very nice to tell his history to some one, even if they didn't listen. He smiled lightly, his eyes lightly wet. "Mother told me to run away, that father would never welcome me into his paws, I cried a little and ran away. I never saw her, my father, or sister ever again. Though, along the way of coming here to you, I got catched by animal control, locked in a discusting cage, rescued by a human, ran away because he wasn't for me, and wound up here, all alone and helpless..." And then you came along and changed my thoughts on how to think everything..." he wanted to add, but he didn't.

++ "I don't think you're stupid, Indigo," He wanted to hit her head and knock some sense into her with a huge bat, but he was kind enough to comfront her kindly. "Actually, I think your story is very..." he tried to find the perfect word for it, "well, your story makes you sound very tough and brave." He assured her, "And I do not think you are making a big deal out of nothing," he paused, "you thought your story was stupid and not that interesting, so you lied to cover that up. I get that completely, amazingly." he chuckled to himself, "That's what I like about you, Indigo. You have the most interesting personality and characteristics that make you very...awesome," This time, he sounded real, because it was real.

++ "But no more talk about pasts," he said, "Now, please turn around and look at me, I know you're scared, but, I will not make you feel worse."

You don't have to remember what you said

Wow...that was very...emotional, Indi.... XD This is probably the longest post I have ever posted in my life...lolz. 602 words, wow, I am impressed with myself!

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Indigo remained focused on the grass beneath her and slightly to the left as if it had become intensely interesting. She couldn't look at Ash. She couldn't. How did he not understand? She was worthless compared to him - a dusty old lamp sitting beside a new energy-friendly one in the shop window. She had never felt this way about herself before. Never! She was normally so confident, witty and charming, able to laugh at herself like the best of them. Now she felt like she'd been lying to herself all of her life. She didn't deserve to have good self=-esteem, she was a random kittypet who wasn't even good at being a human's pet and got tossed on the street for lack of want. She could lie through her teeth and pretend that leaving the humans had been her choice but that wouldn't change the fact that it hadn't. And it most definately didn't change the fact that she never would have run away. As much as she loved being a stray, she hadn't loved the idea at all as a housepet. So now was she to thank the woman who tossed her to the side? In doing so, Indigo did find that she now had a better life but who pathetic was that? That the altering point for the better in her life was being abandoned. She sniffed, glancing even further away from Ash. No matter how sweet and nice he was, he couldn't understand. How could he compare anything of his life to hers? They were just too different - maybe even too different to be friends, she realized, though the stabbing pang in her heart told her that here lay another case where she did not want the truth to be true,

"Yes, I see why you held back, Indigo."

Her eyes widened and she lifted her head sharply, forgetting for an instant the no-looking-at-Ash policy she had confined herself to. What? What did he mean? He had been so opposed to lying. And what he mean he 'saw why she held back'. To her, that sounded like a sneaky way of saying he understood and that was something that could never be completely true - not while she was unable to understand herself - to understand who Indigo Wintertrap really was. Until she embraced her history, there was no way that Ash could. Could he? But she lowered her head just a suddenly, blushing slightly - tears pricking the back of her eyes that she had been reduced to this. This was beyond pathetic. Beyond! But she was distracted from her self-hate as Ash started to talk again, this time recounting his own history. Indigo let out an impatient snort, despite herself. Why was he doing this? So she could long for the past that she deserved to have even more? But as he progressed into the story, she found herself confused. This wasn't at all like what he had said. Maybe the bare bone structure, but no the details that made it what it was. She frowned. Ash hadn't lied but he had held back a few facts - a few details - that really changed the story. Unless he was lying now in order to make her feel better. But that didn't feel right to her - it didn't feel like the truth though how she could be a judge of that was beyond her.

She blinked as he went on to say that he understood why she had lied. That he thought she was amazing. She should have been happy but she just felt worse. She didn't deserve this. "You don't understand," she said quietly. Then she gave a small cough and lifted her head to stare directly into his eyes, regardless of how painful it was to do so. "You don't understand, Ash. You think I lied became I wanted to sound more impressive." She let out a shaky breath and glanced back down at her paws, hating herself for being such a coward."Ash, I feel guilty. Because I thought I had such a horrible history but I don't. I was spoiled. As a kitten, I was lively and energetic and loved by everyone. I had three big brothers to play with and protect and always managed to keep up with them. My mother loved us all equally and the human children adored playing with us. I had a good childhood. Admittedly, there was a little bad period when I was the humane society but I was lively little thing and I got adopted quickly. And he was a nice man. He was nice to me and I loved him, I did. He was like family in a human form. And then he died. I know this is what happened, Ash. He loved me too, he never would have left me!" There was a sharp certainity in her voice but behind it lay a nagging doubt and desperation for agreement - to be assured that such was true.

"And then I was left on the road to be a stray. It seems to natural to street cats - a normal moment in the life of a cat. But, really, Ash, it shouldn't be normal at all!" The words were coming faster now with a more pleading note, though she still couldn't bring herself to look at him. "We live our lives with humans and then when they don't want us around any more they just get rid of us. They don't stop and think that we have lives or that ours will be impacted - they just do the act and move on with theirs. If they can forget about it then it never happened," she muttered darkly. "It seems horrible but then I think that I must be overreacting. Everyone else has accepted it, why do I have such a problem? Because I'm a spoiled kitten who can't face reality." She spoke harshly with self-contempt. "But you, Ash... You lived a hard life with humans like other strays. I worry that the humans didn't lvoe me while you worry the same for your own family - cats! Strays have hard lives and they look back on their past with hatred and I try to do the same - to be the same - but I can't. I had a good life with humans, Ash. Being abandoned was the turning point in my life but for so many - for you - your lives were never pretty. My life got flipped upside down and here I am, still trying to get my bearings and failing because its impossible. I'm a housepet, Ash, no matter how much I try and hide or sugarcoat it." Tears welled up in her eyes and only now she did she allow them to fall freely.

"I pity myself when there are those who deserve the sympathy far more than myself. I'm sick of feeling bad for myself - it's a disgusting emotion. I, who have led a life much better than many. I don't deserve sympathy - I don't deserve any of it. I landed on the road and thought it was much fun but I need to take the rose-colored glasses off. This is my life now and it is ahuge change to me." She narrowed her eyes. "But how shallow for me to even think that. To be upset at being stray is only to promote what a sheltered life I led before," she hissed angrily. Oh how she loathed herself in that moment. And that was her biggest trap - she was sinking into it deeper and deeper. In a way, it was more dangerous than the hardships of others for they hated the world around them and others but could live with themselves. Indigo could not live with herself, so horrible was her malicious feelings towards her own self - and she was beginning to realie that to allow such vicious emotions was to put herself at a far greater risk than any other stray. But that was putting herself above them and was something she would not do. And such began the self-loathing, all over again.

"Now, please turn around and look at me, I know you're scared, but, I will not make you feel worse."

She gulped. He knew she was scared? yes, obviously. But could he understand what she was afraid - this new self that had become apparent to her? The self that was nothing she wanted to be and everything she despised. Could he understand how horrible she felt right now - not for herself but her, herself. She was horrible. But something in his voice.... It was so secure sounding - the promise of safety. But what was there to be protected from? Only herself. And that was something that no one could protect her from - somethign she could never escape. Only she could save herself from it. And why should she when she felt so strongly that it was an emotion she deserved completely and to the full extent. To protect her own self from it would be a vile thing to do. She could throw herself a life raft and pull herself out of the sea but for what gain? So she could further despise herself and sink again later? No. She refused to do so.

He had said he would not make her feel worse. He had said it and he had told the truth, she knew it. And as much as she hated herself, some dim part of her brain was beginning to realize she was overreacting, perhaps. This, of course, was met with great protest and the end result of her sinking deeper into self-loathing: How could she even think that she was overreacting?... Surely she just wanted to take no responsibility. But the realization stayed and she realized that she needed to be saved, however dramatic she was being. And only one cat could comfort her and scare away her fears. She hated herself in that moment and she knew that she needed to be assured that she wasn't so terrible. She needed to hear kind words and she needed to believe them. Chasing the hate away was a horrible thing to do if it deserved to be there but maybe... it didn't? Her self-hating side recoiled at such an idea and encouraged the opinion that such a fact promoted how low and horrible that she was. But some part of her recognized that if she heard the kind words and if they were true than everything was okay. She could not hate herself for believing if what she was believing was the honest truth.

He said he wouldn't make her feel worse. She took a shaky breath in and than another until she had taken one calm breath. Then, slowly, she raised her head and turned to face Ash. At first, her eyes automtically targeted the grass at his feet. She gulped and forced herself to raise them but it was like trying to push through steel. She let out a strangled sob and then just raised her head up quickly and desperatedly. Her eyes searched his face until they found his own and when they did they remained there. She stared into his blue orbs, so clear and pure. Just as he was. And her she was, a despicable thing, soiling his vision by her own impurity. She was everything he didn't need. She was a messed-up waste of his time. But the last little good part of her wanted salvaging despite protest and it forced her to stay instead of running. She needed this.

Besides, if you ran then you were gone and it was over. If you stayed than you still kept that oppurtunity that you could always run if needed.

OOC: Yeah its awesome congrats! Quite emotional too Ash is such a sweetie!

Ha. ha. ha. I'm sorry, really. Indigo may be dramatic but I'm a thousand times worse I couldn't stop. 1966 words. I think the only time I ever beat that is when my charrie was unconcious/in a coma and she was dreaming so I could just keep going. W.o.w. Lol. I think I wrote a novel

[Ash Firestar]

++ Ash listened intently, he felt for her. "You're right. I don't understand," he said, "but I do understand that you pretty much feel like crap for lying, and that you really wish you didn't." He inched closer to her, in a comforting way. He kept listening to how she was putting herself down. His 'inner-guy' was starting to come out, the part that didn't care, he pushed it back in because he really did. She felt guilty for what she did, that was obvious. The details she she hadn't managed to share beforee finally coming to the surface. He just stared at her, her human died. That was terrible, again, he never had a chance to give humans a good reputation. Most humans disliked animals, but the few, much like his mother's man, loved them and were happy with them.

++ No, normal is bad. He thought to himself, he daren't chuckle, this would be a bad time, Indigo would think he wasn't paying attention or didn't care. "No, you're right, it should not be normal." He said, still listening to what she was saying about transitioning from kittypet to stray. When she was finished talking about that he stated, "Indigo, listen. We are all different, nobody is ever the same. Be proud of your past, be proud of what you did to get here. Because, if you never left your house, I would have never met you." He smiled. "And what a shame that would've been." He said truthfully. Now, as she started to cry, Ash had become next to her, his fuzzy tail wrapped around her in a friendly way.

++ "Please don't loath yourself, don't think you've lead this amazing life that only you has lead it, you're wrong. There are many strays that have started out just as you. Many went through the transition. Those long days my mother spent crying for no reason, she was crying for herself and her owner." He paused and took a studdering breath, "I imagine her and my sister and my father, all living happily ever after, without me..." he muttered to himself, "but I know that deep down mom still remembers me and loves me..." he saw how struggling it was for Indigo to look into his eyes, which softened every step closer to them her pretty gold ones got to his. He smiled once she got to his.

"You're a very brave cat to have done those things in your life, to have survived through the suffering of death, to have had the strength to go on without an owner," he said, very truthful this time, "And, I really am glad to have met you."

OOC: dude! 1966 words!? that's like....almost 2000 words, man! I feel so...overpowered...that was real emotional, Indigo. Almost more emotional than my poor little sweetie Ash could handle. XP

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Don't close your eyes.

Indigo blinked as Ash agreed with her, surprised that he had done so so readily. Or was she really? To be honest, no. Of course Ash would agree. And she didn't mean this in a spiteful way - not at all! He was so sweet and kind to her and completely accepting. Even when she didn't deserve it. She gave a tiny snort of amusement. "Yeah," she managed to mumble. She did feel like crap for lying. There had been no point to it - all it had served for was to chuck her off the edge of some dark, threatening precipice that she was no forced to try and climb out of all alone. No, she cprrected herself. Not alone... I have Ash. Regardless of how the tom would view her afterwards or even if she would see him again, this moment wouldn't change. She felt so empty and ash was the one that was here to comfort her - to make her whole again. That would never change.

She sniffed as he continued to talk - continuing to comfort she who did not deserve comfort. But his words were compelling and sweet and addictive and she couldn't block them out, no matter how hard she might try. "It's foolish to be proud of something that one should be ashamed of. Insane and arrogant and I refuse to be that," she spat angrily. The anger was not directed at Ash but rather at herself. How had she had allowed this to happen? How had she swung so easily into such a tormented state? What was wrong with her? Was she depressed? She shivered slightly, though found warmth in Ash's sudden presence at her side, his fur pressed soflty against hers. Her mind screamed protest but her body thought otherwise and refused to move. "A b-big shame," she stuttered. A wave of embarassment that that was all she could say in response rolled over her and she let out a rasping cough and forced herself to look up into her eyes. "A horrible shame, Ash. Especially now. Where would I be without you holding me here?" The words came forth in a soft whisper - not even thought of in her head but only uttered from her mouth as if she had known that that was what she was going to say all along. Her eyes widened at the vulnerable position she had freely tossed herself into and she bowed her head. She hadn't meant to let so much out.

But then Ash spoke again and she felt a prickle of... hope? Was it true? She wasn't the only one? Maybe she was being too hard on herself. But that didn't make sense. Why would she let herself be so traumatized for no reason? How could she hate herself so much over such a triviliaty? Something else was very wrong and it scared her. She gulped, a silent noise. "Of course she loves you," Indigo murmured softly, raising her head to croon the words into Ash's ear. "Who wouldn't" she whispered, aware that she was now taking on the role of the comforter and surpsingly feeling safe in this role. It was as if she felt comforted to know that she was not too far gone to be able comfort Ash in return. She opened her mouth to say something else but her eyes clouded in confusion and she lowered her head, unwilling to cross over that line yet - not when she was like this.

But being with Ash... how could it be that she had only just met him? It didn't make sense. It wasn't that she felt a crush on him - no! There were no butterflies in her stomach or tingling in her knees. There was just a connection between them stronger than anything else she'd ever experienced. Strong enough to make her dizzy and empowered at the same time. And standing here by him, she didn't want to go - ever. She didn't want to lose this.

But then he opened his mouth again and she lost her train of thought - she was unsure what exactly it was that she had wanted to say except 'Don't leave' which her pride would not yet allow her to put forth. "Strength?" she questioned almost inaudibly. "Can we still call it strength when there was no other option? I had to go forward - time doesn't work backwards," she remarked cynically, though she was truly grateful for the compliment. "And, I really am glad to have met you." Her eyes closed for a moment as she soaked in the last thing Ash had said. It was exactly what she had needed to hear. "And I am so, so glad I met you Ash. I am so so glad that you are here with me now.

"And I don't want you to leave me."

Except she didn't really say the last part - she wasn't ready to be that brave.

Don't fade away.

OOC: Sorry for the wait there and thanks lol - Ash is such a sweetie that Indigo can't keep him away even though she wants to lol

[Ash Firestar]

How do you react

++ He smiled at the she-cat in front of him, "Oh, Indigo, even when you're depressed and putting yourself down you're philosophical!" He stated sarcastically, "I honestly don't know, the only other option I guess would be weak, and we both know that you are not weak, I would call that courage." He thought a moment, "Yes, courage, a kind of strength that some have and others haven't, and you are one of those that have great courage." He said, being philosophical right back at her. Indigo was being very hard on herself and tormenting herself and putting herself down. All of her words she vented to him before still flowed through him like an endless river.

++ "Me too." he whispered to her, "Please, don't leave me." he said even softer, he chuckled almost silently, that took a lot of strength himself to say that. Smiling, his tail still wrapped around her in comfort, he waited silently for her philosophical reply. He did not want to lose this moment with her.

OOC: That's fine with me! lolz. It's just 8:00 AM before skool and I have almost no muse; I think I just need a whole day to myself... XP

[Indigo Wintertrap]

She managed a half-hearted smile at Ash's wry comment and she shook her head and she let out a snort of amusement, despite her tormented state of mind. Her lip trembled as he continued. Weak? But that's exactly what she was! Her brow furrowed in confusion. That's exactly what she was! How else could you describe someone who lied about their past to make it seem cool cause it was lame and then realized it was depressing and then thought she was a spoiled little thing and fell apart. A tremor ran through her body as she fought to remain calm. Now Ash was telling her that she possessed courage. Courage! Of all things. She shook her head frantically. "What?" she finally managed to say, eyes wide with shock and a bit of anger. "I don't have courage, Ash. I have everything but!" How could even think such a thing about such a despicable beast as herself? She winced. She seriously needed to attempt to stop being negative because there was no way it was healthy.

A shiver ran through her as Ash whispered to her. "Me too." Of course those were the words she wanted most to hear in the world - the one thing she wanted to be agreed with on the most in the world. Or perhaps the words she wanted to hear the second-most. But as she opened her mouth - prepared to be brave to prove to herself that maybe Ash wasn't completely crazy - Ash stole the words out of her mouth. "Please, don't leave me." She let out an involuntary gasp. Ash wanted her here too. She stepped in slightly closer, falling in deeper. Those were the words she needed to hear. She needed to know that she was wanted - that she was needed.

But a silent voice at the back of her mind was reminding her that she barely knew Ash. Was it really that there was something special about him or was it he simple fact that he was there when she crashed? Could it really have been anyone? Her eyes clouded with confusion and she took a step back from the tom, feeling his tail slide down from her as she escaped from his embrace. She opened her mouth and then closed it. She was falling in deep here. Maybe too deep. She was just so vulnerable - so emotional. And she needed Ash. But that wasn't a good thing, she realized. She was falling in too deep, yes. Becoming too attached, too early. This wasn't good, as much as she hated the thought.

She closed her eyes tight and opened them, willing herself to see things differently or perhaps for the entire episode to have been a dream. But Ash was still standing there. He had asked her to not leave him and that made what she needed to do so much harder. But maybe she could stay - maybe she could wait instead of running off as soon as he made that touching comment. Only she had stepped away now and Indigo had a feeling it would be so much harder to for a second time. Her eyes began to sting and she realized she was about to cry. "I -I can't-" she started. She took another gasp of breath. At least she was looking at him in the eyes this time. "I'm not ready... I need to be alone."

It was the best plan. It wasn't as if she was suicidal or anything. Or at least, not really suicidal. Eyes beginning to well with tears, Indigo wheeled around suddenly and harshly and took off, tears streaming down her cheeks as she abandoned the one who had asked her not to leave. He had been there for her when she needed him and now she was leaving when he needed her. She was horrible. But she shouldn't need him so much already. It wasn't good. He was like some drug for her and she needed to maintain her independence. Perhaps its loss was what troubled her the most. Thoughts flying through her head, Indigo Wintertrap continued to run, tears streaming down her cheeks and falling onto the soft grass.

She never once looked back.

OOC: That's okay, we all have our days Oh my god, poor Ash. I feel terrible. But they can have another thread. Of course this will only make Indigo feel a thousand times worse I think I'm gonna change this thread in the order since it makes most sense as most recent and I don't think it's been mentioned in any other ones so that's fine. And since I'm the admin no one can get mad at me for doing it *giggle* Lol, just joking ^^

[Ash Firestar]

++ The tom let her escape, he let her tear from him. But why? Why did she want to tear from him? She seemed like she desprately needed him. He guessed that he understood that she and he weren't good for eachother, and he had only just met her. He still just stared at her as she told him that she didn't have courage, She will never understand what it means. The tiniest bit of adventure, the tiniest bit of struggle, and surviving it. That is courage. He thought to himself, he could feel her inching away from her. He sighed and looked at his paws, he realized he had been halfway in a mud puddle, now his left paw was covered to his ankle in mud. He growled quietly, his left paw just so happened to be his 'lucky' paw, when something bad happened to it, that meant something else bad was bound to happen.

++ He still just looked at her as she sat there, inches from him. She got up very quickly, "I'm not ready... I need to be alone." What did that mean? 'I'm not ready...' ready for what? Love? No, he didn't love her, he thought he was just being a really good friend. He sighed and glanced down, when he looked back up she was already gone. He smelt where she had gone, his mind told him to go after her, but he just told himself, his mind, "No, she needs to be alone." He sighed again, a little louder than all the other sighs he had done, "I guess I understand Indigo." He told her, even though she wasn't there, he just hoped that she would some how, some way be able to hear this, "Please, don't ever change."

++ He stood up and ran the other way, maybe he'll run into her sooner or later, well...he hoped that.

END THREAD

OOC: Yeah, maybe they can meet again later, like accedently running into eachother in time. But for now, let's let them have time apart. XD Oh, and I finished all of the Uglies books over Exams, now we're reading A Wrinkle In Time (which I've read like a bazzillion times) for science. Poor Ash and Indi, I seriously think they should run into eachother again and act all akward. X3 that'd be pretty funny since Indigo's so dramatic! -i can see it now-