I’m not a t h i e f…

[osprey]

Okay, the title lied. I lied.

Shops and stalls framed the market, they seemed to sell everything in this small square! The large shadow of a cat made his way cautiously around all of the shops and stores, examining the items for sale. As he progressed, Osprey grew hungrier and hungrier. Was there nothing he could find here? His amber eyes lit up as he saw a, well, let’s call him a not so skinny man standing guard in front of his shop. All types of delicious looking meat were piled and stacked, into rows and rows of food. Well, this was an opportunity not to be missed. Oh come on! Osprey reminded himself, You’ll never find food if you try it like this! Lithe as a shadow, he slipped behind large pumpkin, and hid carefully, waiting for a moment to come. A terrifying woman with frighteningly coloured hair strode rudely past the butcher. He shouted at her strongly, by the looks of it she had knocked a pork chop from the stall. Realizing his chances, he dashed up towards the towering human, before disappearing behind his shop. The pork chop seemed to gaze longingly up at him, but Osprey Coldenwing felt a strong blow on his hip. He was so mesmerized by the delicacy among cats, he hadn’t heard the butcher coming! With a shriek of alarm, he darted behind the shop which had the pumpkins.

Pain stabbed his hind leg and he let himself roll over some thoughts in his mind. He was struggling for food, yes, but he was sure he could catch something later, once he headed back over to the woods again! He had almost caught that mouse when he was with Lilly… It was so close. But, it was quite a journey when he was so hungry already! Musing over some ideas, he spotted some humans buying a chicken with some strange round coins. Wow! The humans were given the chicken just for some of this shiny stuff! Was the butcher mad? He kept his eyes out for any signs of danger, or company for that matter. Maybe an older cat would be able to help him… Wait, what was he thinking? What cat would help him?

Forgive me if you like. It’s up to you.

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Better an honest thief than simply dishonest

OOC: Hey! Mind if Indigo joins here? Figure this could take place not too long after her thread with Ash - when she's slightly more stable though. She needs a friend lol.

---

The lithe orange tabby wound her way through the bustling throngs of human legs, her heart pounding as she avoided time after time being stepped on. Humans were so clumsy, weren't they? She rolled her eyes and continued to dart through them. At first she'd had some sort of plan - she would head to the woods and search for Violet. Her sister. It felt funny thinking it. She, Indigo Wintertrap, had a true sister. A half-sister, to be exact, but a sister nonetheless. She'd never had a sister before. But now that she did, she couldn't have picked a better one. She laughed quietly thinking to herself of her last - and first - encounter with Violet Wildflower. She'd been so peppy and happy. And Indigo had been happy. How badly she wanted to find that happiness again. So she'd retrace her steps and find her sister. See how things were going between Violet and whatshisname. Rowan? Yes, that was it. Rowan. Hopefully better than with her and Ash. Indigo felt a pang as she remembered their last meeting but she pushed it aside. Reliving the moment would do nothing to further her happiness - it would simply have the opposite effect.

She spied an opening in the crowd and darted out. She was past having a certain destination. Right now, her goal was just to get away from all these people. She shivered. She'd come out in front of some sort of shop. The door was swinging open and Indigo, not knowing why, seized her chance and swept in, instantly slinking under a table to hide in the shadows. She giggled quietly at her daring. Sneaking in felt so good. A little rush of adrenaline. And she loved adrenaline rushes. Or at least, the old Indigo had. But somehow, getting that adrenaline rush and liking it seemed to symbolize to her that she was starting to find that old Indigo. The pre-Ash-Stellar-conundrum Indigo. No, that wasn't a fair description. There had never really been a choice between Ash and Stellar. Maybe the pre-Ash-Indigo-conundrum. That's where the problem had started. But she had already decided not to dwell on it and sitting in the shop, it was easy to push her troubling thoughts away. Even if the enveloping darkness threatened to bring them back.

A shriek caught her ears and Indigo glanced up in alarm to spy a cat - which, going by the butcher's leg in mid-air had just been kicked - sprinting out of the thought. Propelled only by her curiousity, Indigo forsook the yummy smells and chased after him. She caught up to him, slightly panting as he watched the humans' interactions. She giggled. "Hello?" She suddenly felt weird for chasing him out of the shop. Did she seem like some sort of stalker. "I'm Indigo Wintertrap," she introduced with a grin, ignoring the pang in her heart as she was reminded of her first encounter with Ash and how she had teasingly refused to give him her name. She still clung on to the belief of how amazing that could be but she wasn't ready to pursue it again. Not when last time had held such disastrous results. Besides, you could still have no expectations but know the other's name. Right?

[osprey]

Showing mild interest to his surroundings, Osprey Coldenwing sat down with his tail wrapped around his paws and attempted to decide what to do next. He had been through some struggles, yes, and he was still famished, but he seemed to be alive - at least - at this point. He obviously couldn't find anything here, (well, on his own at least) but he must have a chance somewhere else nearby! Amber eyes scanned the smaller shops and bushes that framed the market. Although he did know that he should concentrate on his task, his mind strayed to other things. He recounted the events so far since he had arrived in Nenbrook. First off, he had met this calico, who seemed friendly enough. Inwardly, he wished he would see him again, just to see if he could get to know him better. Oh, and then there was Lilly. She was such a character - he couldn't help admiring her personality. Such a bright kitten would probably get quite far in life, she could even hunt better than Osprey could! His memories were disturb by a chilling gust of wind and he shook his fur quickly.

Before very long, his black ears swivelled backwards, and he heard the light pad of feline paws. He was certain he didn't want a fight, so he kept his head down and tried as hard as he could to act as if he hadn't noticed the cat. At her greeting, he twisted his head around to see who this cat was. She was an orange she cat, with tabby stripes. He smiled a welcome, and he returned her greeting politely: "Hello."

His face was a picture of uncertainty, as she introduced her self. He hesitated before speaking again. "Osprey. Osprey Coldenwing." He was still very unsure, she seemed friendly enough but he was wary of most cats. Although her appearence looked quite similar to Lilly's, he knew that kittens were quite safe to speak to. Osprey was mainly the time of cat that would always make sure it was safe to converse freely with a cat, before even thinking about making friends or telling them too much about himself. Furthermore he always tried as hard as he could to prevent himself from snapping or using sarcasm. He once snapped at his sister, and she hadn't spoken to him for days. Clamping his jaws shut, he had certain that no harsh words would escape his mouth during this conversation. He didn't want to lose yet another friend. Lilly was an accomplishment though, it was great that one of the first cats he met had happened to be an excellent friend. He made a note in his mind to find her again. One day. No matter how far away that day might be...

[Indigo Wintertrap]

People going nowhere

Indigo suddenly felt self-conscious - a weird emotion for her - standing here like an idiot in front of this tom. Why had she randomly followed him and said hello? She probably seemed like some sort of creepo-stalker. She blushed, glancing down at her paws for a moment before stubbornly raising her head to shoot the tom a quick grin. This shouldn't be awkward. She was friendly, sociable, outgoing... or at least she used to be. She felt herself shaking slightly and it took all of her effort not to collapse onto the hard ground. No, no, no. She didn't want to think about this, relive those horrid moments. She didn't like the position that that would put her in. She'd become the emotional wreck in need of comforting. But the very idea of receiving comfort was extremely unappealing to her. It would be too strong a reminder of him. She needed to stop thinking about that though. Live in the moment. This was why she had left.

She grinned again at the black cat, feeling semi-shy but in that bad of a way. She'd be fine. They'd talk, have fun... her social skills would emerge and rise to the occasion. "Hi," she replied. Oh yes, a very grand rising-to-the-occasion. No, being sarcastic wasn't the best route to go. Stay positive, she told herself, and then felt like an idiot for needing to remind herself of something so simple when trying to maintain a nice conversation. Maybe that was the key. She just needed to relax and be her lovable self. Her old self - not the selfish little wreck she'd been for the past weeks. She lifted her head a tiny bit and flashed the tom - Osprey - a dazzling grin. "Osprey," she repeated, testing it out. She smiled. "I see," she said in a teasing mysterious tone.

"Soooo," she drawled with a tiny grin. "Whatcha doing around here?" she asked, tilting her head to the side in question. The problem, she rationalized, with asking someone what they were doing in the area, was that they were sure to ask it right back at you. Not that there was actually anything bad about that. It was the whole equal reaction thing about conversations. Or maybe that was something else. Either way, it made sense. Questions bouncing back and forth were a sure fire way to keep a casual chat going strong. She resisted the urge to giggle at how much thought she was putting into this. Relax, she reminded herself. Only this time it felt more funny than pathetic. So surely things were getting better. Right?

Expecting sympathy.

[osprey]

Two amber eyes glanced nervously at the other cat, Osprey had noticed her sudden emotions. It somehow seemed that she was revisiting old memories, and not good ones by the look of her. He struggled not to comfort her, if he did she'd only shy away! He waited paitently, a look of concern on his face. He noticed her grin up at him, and he returned it with a small half smile. This cat seemed okay. He could relax now. She didn't seem relaxed, and Osprey could tell. He decided to ignore it, she wouldn't appreciate it if he didn't. The tom continued to smile as she mewed 'Hi,' and he waited for her next words. His gaze softened even more and his face calmed down, he made sure to wipe all of the hints of concern from his face before he spoke. He heard his name once again, and he noticed her smile.

The black cat bit back a giggle at her drawling 'Soooo.' Indigo obviously was, or had been for certain, an amazing cat to have a conversation with. She was comical, even though he could see her fighting to keep relaxed and calm. "Oh, this and that," he purred the response to her question. "Looking for food, trying to avoid the humans," his voice remained light and cheerful. If anything, maybe he could help this cat. A humourous conversation might lighten her spirits. He attempted to feign as much outgoing, sociable talking skills as possible.

"What about you?" His question intended to keep the conversation going, to prevent this cat from thinking too hard. If they conversed quickly and calmly, (with some humour of course) it might put her mind off things... Whatever those 'things' were. Osprey suddenly winced and a large, loud rumble erupted from his stomach. He gave an embarrased smile, a looked swiftly to the ground. Well if his previous words and actions hadn't aready exclaimed his hunger, that growl certainly had!

ooc:; Sorry for the short(ish) post, It's 9am here. :]

[Indigo Wintertrap]

Indigo wondered how obvious she was being. Obviously this tom could probably sense some of her inner turmoil and the fact that she was focusing on her thoughts more than him. She felt a tad guilty. He probably thought she was simply disinterested or maybe even bored with him already. But when she glanced up his expression seemed soft and open... concerned almost. So she felt a little bit better. He was probably curious to know why she was so... out of it. But she couldn't really tell him. If thinking about it hurt this much then speaking the words out loud and having to finally admit it to herself would be much worse. With time it would get better. But unfortunately, nowhere near enough time had passed. Yet. "Sorry," she said quietly. "I just - the past few weeks have been hard." That was really all she could say - not because she wasn't willing but because physically she knew she'd never be able to bit out a better explanation. She smiled apologetically at Osprey.

But at least he hadn't said anything about her behavior. Brownie points to the guy for that, Indigo thought with a small grin. She nodded at his reply to her question, fighting back a grin when her predictions were realized as he asked the same of her. But that was alright - that was good. Keep the conversation flowing. And stop thinking about it so much! she reprimanded herself - before realizing the irony of that thought. "I'm... alright," she replied truthfully with a shrug. "I've just been wandering around, I guess. Actually, I was looking to maybe find my sister and talk with her... only I have no clue where she might be. But that's alright. I'll find her soon enough later." She grinned. She still wanted to talk to Vi but Osprey seemed pretty interesting so far and she thought it would be fun to stick around.

A sudden grumbling sound was heard and Indigo blinked, lifting her head up in search stupidly before realizing the sound had been Osprey's stomach. She blushed and glanced down at her paws, feeling incredibly dumb, foolish and possibly rude. But after a moment she couldn't bite back a laugh. She glanced up apologetically at the tom, a smile fighting its way onto her face. "Hungry much?" she joked. "Why don't we grab something around here?" she suggested. With all the humans circulating it would be easy to blend it and scavenge up something. Or possibly much harder. Hmm. "See anything good?" she asked, her head automtically tilting slightly to the side.

[osprey]

Osprey smiled calmly. He was beginning to like this orange cat, however bad her life had been in the past. Although curiosity poked him with a long, sharp stick he knew that he shouldn't interfere into this cat's life. He had his own life, he shouldn't waste it feeling sorry for others. He would try and help her though. She looked like she might have needed it. A pair of amber eyes darted rapidly around the area, a quick check for danger never hurt anyone. As she spoke, he nodded slowly. Not all lives are perfect. Well, hardly any are. If any at all. He curled his long fluffy tail curled around his paws, the tip twitching slightly. After her apologetic smile. the charcoal tom realized he better not interfere at all. Not a good idea, he'd only upset her. Which wasn't his main mission in this large, spacious market. An abundance of intreging smells were irratating his senses - inwardly he was begging his stomach not to rumble again.

The dark tom bit his lip nervously, and exchamged the smile with the she-cat. He understood, of course that she didn't seem an unfriendly cat at all, and he felt incredibly sorry for this friendly Indigo for what was going on about. Osprey silently prayed that things would go better for her. Things hadn't been too bad to him yet, he obviously had Twilight and Lilly by his side! Amazing how quickly he could get over the loss of his siblings. He rolled his eyes at his silent statement. Of course he hadn't forgotten them. But this still-relatively-new life as a stray was sufficiently providing an excuse for not being as grevious. "Your sister? Hmm, well I wish I was that lucky..." His speech was short, because he purposely cut himself off before he could reveal any secrets that he hadn't even told Lilly or Twix yet. Maybe talking about his situation would help him though? No it would never work to confide in Indigo, she was almost a stranger to him.

To his surprise, he didn't feel any negative thoughts as Indigo laughed. Well, he only had one life so he might as well live it without getting annoyed at any tiny little mistake! A smile curled onto his lips and he welcomed the joke. Anything to cheer himself up, anything would do. "Can't say no to food at the moment!" He mewed light-heartedly, and he glanced once again around the busy market. He spotted the stall he had visited before, and a few more shops dotted around that might contain things that could be edible. His alert eyes spotted a scrawny tortoiseshell cat weave through the crowd, and lean back on her back legs before a large stall. The human who was running it, a tall yet elderly looking woman, threw the moggy a small scrap of chicken, and the she-cat dashed away. Some of the vast numbers of people tutted in disgust, and one man even shouted an insult at the woman. She didn't seem to be affected at all about the people's views. Osprey flicked his tail slightly to catch Indigo's attention, and mentioned the stall with a slight movement of his head. Another cat, a solid ginger tom this time, plodded around the corner and yowled at the lady. He only recieved a tiny portion of ham. "This could be good."

[Indigo Wintertrap]

What more do you want from me?

Hard. Now there was an understatement. It would have been much more correct of her to say that the past few weeks she'd had to literally drag herself forward to get anywhere and had realized what a spoiled little destructive terrible cat she was and how she didn't deserve to have any form of a good life. It would have been even more correct to say that it had been hell, plain and simple, and that she didn't expect that she could ever truly find happiness again. It would have been even more correct to say that she'd been driven to depression over and over until the only logical escape had been to kill herself, something that she'd tried and failed at, to her great disappointment.

Then, Indigo corrected nervously, her tail wrapping itself around her back leg. It had been a great disappointment then, when she opened her eyes and, after a few moments, realized she was still alive. Now she was grateful that she'd lived. "Surviving suicide," she murmured softly, not even realizing that she'd said it out loud. It took a moment for her to realize that it had sounded different from her other thoughts. Louder. She froze as it hit her that it was because she'd slipped up and said that out loud. Out loud! Her eyes widened in horror and she felt like sinking into the earth. "Ha... ha..." She laughed weakly, not knowing why - a silence-filler. After a moment she laughed again, this time an actual laugh instead the stunted word 'Ha' repeated twice. Her laugh was slightly derisive and mad sounding though, she realized, and she shut her mouth, stopping it in her tracks.

"Lucky?" Indigo blinked for an instant before the first part of what he had said filtered through into her mind. She sat up, her tail curled around her paws. "Oh! Yeah, I'm lucky. A sister... She's real nice too!" Indigo added, trying to smile and sound enthusiastic but it was obviously forced. She ducked her head down to lick her chest. It wasn't that she felt embarrassed - it was that she didn't. She should feel completely humiliated for behaving like this but she didn't really care, truthfully. And that was what scared her. Was she really so far gone that she couldn't even bring herself to have normal worries about making a good first impression and not sounding like a complete idiot when talking to a stranger who seemed nice?

She managed a small grin, determined to be normal. Normal, normal, normal, she reminded herself. No spazz-outs, try hard, you can do this. She gave a light laugh. "Then let's go find some!" She could do this. She could so do this. She just needed to relax, have some fun with Osprey... She could act like any random she-cat instead of making him deal with all her problems and baggage. She could do this. Indigo was startled from her thoughts by a meow from Osprey and remembered that they were supposed to be getting food. Oddly she didn't even blush, just walked forward. Apparently her body wasn't as quick at adapting to being normal instead of vaguely distant. She blinked at Osprey, glancing at the stall he'd pointed out. A brown tabby she-cat was meowing and the lady bent down and fed her a tiny morsel of chicken.

"Cat-feeder," Indigo dead-panned, somehow finding it funny. Without warning she giggled and then a moment later she was laughing hysterically. "Osprey!" she meowed. "She's a cat feeder!" Indigo dissolved into heaps of laughter. The sane part of her mind realized how foolish she was being and had the decency to at least be a little bit embarrassed - which was welcomed as a good sign. A few moments later she stopped laughing abruptly. "Sorry," she whispered, trembling slightly. This wasn't working. She clearly had not recovered from the trauma and the drama. She wasn't ready for interactions like this. She wasn't even sane, probably! She let out a low whimper, biting her lip to prevent another one.

Without a word to Osprey, Indigo brushed past him to the stall and let out a soft meow. The lady bent down and pet her and for a moment she remembered what it was like to be with a human - to be loved and cuddled by them. She whimpered again, missing her old life stronger than she ever had since being on the streets. The lady fed her a piece of chicken and she trotted back past Osprey to a small place in the shadows between stalls. Flopping down in the dust, she began to nibble at the chicken but found that she wasn't even hungry. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this life," she meowed with a frown. Maybe that's why she was finding it so hard to cope. Maybe that's why all the stuff with Stellar and Ash had happened in the first place. She glanced back at Osprey and let out another whimper. She was just so lost.

OOC: Seems like Indigo isn't so "better" after all lol. Sorry, I just wanted to focus on how she feels after all that when she's not with Ash or Stellar. Poor Osprey lol.

[osprey]

Sometimes some things in life are hard. Some say, especially for humans, others say especially for cats. There are problems in every life, of course. Just a lot are much more overpowering than others. Osprey had, in fact, had a lot of luck so far. If you don't believe the previous statement, think about it. He'd had bad kittenhood. Not awful. He was alone, but he wasn't being tortured every single day of his life. He had been in plenty struggles to survive, but those were all physical things. The ebony black tom didn't know these true facts, of course, but on that day he did realize his life wasn't the worst. Plus, it did change him to encounter Indigo. He didn't know her particularily well, but obviously he'd try his best to make it the best time possible for her. Although Osprey wasn't particulairly sociable, he really did feel a strange feeling for this orange feline. He felt so sorry for her. He almost pitied her, but not in a bad way at all. His amber eyes were clouded with concern, and he was silently thanking everyone he could think of that his life was so good. When he had arrived at Nenbrook, he had been more withdrawn. There wasn't any major improvements, but really he had felt a difference.

One inky black ear twisted around to pick up the signs that Indigo was saying something. She seemed incredibly embarrased, and that just made the one year old tom feel worse. Nervously, he wondered what to do. One one paw, he was desperate to comfort her and all he wanted to do was cheer her up this way or that. But on the other paw, he still didn't know her very well at all, and she might be really scared if a stranger started trying to comfort her. Urrgh. What to do. A thousand thoughts seemed to spin through his mind, and he almost ran into a wall in fustration. What would he say? She began to laugh quietly, and the look on Osprey's inky black face softened even more if it was possible. Was it natural to be this sorry for someone he had recently met? Well, he had to say something. Eventually, he decided on a course of action. He'd wait a while, see how things went. He was a coward. His voice was soft, calm and as comforting and generally kind as possible.

The ebony tom wasn't exactly feeling great about everything. He wished he had taken the oppurtunity to help her a minute ago, but he was half glad anyway. He was a stranger after all. Osprey felt like he was being torn both ways, with strong feelings for both possible sides. He heard her respond to his previous statement, and he smiled softly. "Yup, luckier than me anyway, I lost mine long before now." His emotions stayed neutral, he acted as if what he just told her wasn't sensitive about the subject, he didn't really care. But, that was almost the opposite of what he really thought. Maybe it would be better to cover up some of his feelings for now. He didn't really believe Indigo would notice. She really had her own problems to think about, he knew that for a fact. So, he wouldn't worry about himself for a while. Try and be selfless, Osprey.

Silently, he spotted her feigned smile and decided to go along with the 'happy, nothing's wrong' mood. It was better than the main alternative. His amber eyes spotted that Indigo's gold ones had swept over to the 'cat-feeding stall'. Pretending to take much more interest than he actually had, he followed her gaze and watched the scene unravel before him. This woman was obviously a cat-fan, so it wouldn't be hard to get past her for a free meal. The charcoal cat jumped slightly as he heard the she-cats voice again, mewing something and then laughing loudly. He smiled warmly, still wondering what on Venus she was on about, before chuckling along quietly. Maybe he had missed something comical? That was the obvious answer. She spoke again, but this time he heard and understood what she was saying. A cat-feeder. Well, not very humorous, but it'd do to brighten up the scene, even slightly. She apologized, and he purred a reply. "Don't worry, it's fine."

A duo of orange eyes and tracked the equally orange 'yet lighter' female feline across the busy market. Osprey Coldenwing watched her weave through the crowds and approach the stall of the 'cat-feeder'. He smiled in silent applause as she returned with a slice of chicken in her jaws. He turned his attention away politely as she began to nibble, but he almost instantly turned back as she spoke again. His guilt and pity increased as she finished with a whimper. The poor cat. Really, he had to do something. He couldn't just leave her like this! It'd be completely cruel. So, he decided to take his chance. "There's something wrong. I can tell. So, Indigo. Look, you can tell me if you like. It's up to you. I can't explain how sorry I feel for you right now, and I really want to help you feel better. You don't have to, obviously, but look, if I could help you at all, in any way possible for a feline, let me know. It's fine. Don't worry. Even though I'm more of a stranger than a friend, you can trust me."

Osprey concluded his small speech with a comforting smile, and he lay down to watch Indigo's reaction.

ooc:; Wow, this took forever! xD

[Indigo Wintertrap]

OOC: First off, words cannot express how sorry I am for not replying to this sooner So without further ado:

A caged bird once told me
Freedom only matters if you've gone without it

Indigo shivered as she sat there nibbling at her chicken. She couldn't believe she'd just lost control like that! It had been so long since the - incident - at the chicken coop... She'd honestly thought that everything was under control. She was all better now. No more unstableness at all. She snorted, thinking that in retrospect she'd been quite naive. Then again, hindsight was always 20/20. She sighed and took another small bit but truthfully she wasn't that hungry. Her stomach was a jumble of nerves and she didn't feel like stuffing anything more down her throat. She nudged the meat away from her. Part of her wanted to just yawn and get to her paws as if everything was normal. If Osprey hadn't taken off in fear maybe they could go explore and look around or doing something fun together. Her spirits were lifted slightly at this prospect and she brightened visibly, her head lifting up from it's previous rest on her front paws and her eyes brightening from their previous dull appearance. But just as she had this thought, Osprey's kind voice came from close by, asking what was wrong. And she came crashing down with this cruel twist of fate. So they would "talk about it" after all.

Indigo knew that she was being unreasonable. She was being immature as well but she couldn't have cared less. Pushing her lower lip out in a full pout she rose to her full height - albeit not all that high - about to breezily interrupt Osprey and request that they do something fun instead of having a heart-to-heat about her current post-suicidal mental situation. But something inside her gave way and she sighed instead, reluctantly accepting to hear him out. He was being kind, she noted grudgingly. Much nicer than she deserved and much nicer than was called for from a stranger. Strangely enough, he seemed to actually care - it didn't appear that he was only doing this because social codes of conduct required it. And when he finished there, telling her how she could trust him, Indigo was surprised to feel that she believed him. She believed that she could trust him with her secrets and she could trust him to listen to her fairly. Maybe she could even trust him not to tell anyone else what he heard. In any case, it would probably feel good to get it out, right?

She squired slightly with deliberation before coming to this conclusion and then she straightened up firmly. "It's a bit of long story," she began uneasily but then caught herself. Confidence. She gave a small laugh. "But I'll try and be concise. I was dropped off on the streets a while ago and I met this tom, Stellar, who became my new best friend. I had a bit of a crush on him too, I suppose you could say, but I didn't think much of it. Then one day I met Ash. He was sweet and thoughtful and interesting and philosophical and seemed so amazing. But I lied to him about being abandoned and then freaked out when I realized he knew..." Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "I'm not even sure what happened, to be honest," she confessed. "I just remember suddenly hating myself so strongly... I don't think I was in the right state of mind - or anything stable state of mind."

She shivered but it wasn't from the wind this time. Stable states of mind? Exactly the kind of thing that scared her. Was she really unstable? OR was she just highly emotional? Frowning, Indigo returned to her narrative. "Anyways, I freaked out but Ash coaxed me out of it even though he barely knew me. He saved me and I think it was then that - although I might have have completely realized it or allowed myself to think it - I fell in love with him." She spoke softly, her words trailing off as she spoke them. Almost wistfully. "He told me not to leave him and I got scared. I felt so attached to this tom I barely knew and I didn't want to become any more dependent on him. I ran away - betraying the one thing he asked of me after saving me from all that self-hate. I spent the next while alone and depressed and then I ran into him at the dump. We talked a bit and then he told me that it was okay because he had realized that I thought he loved me and that wasn't true at all so I shouldn't worry. What could I say to that? Gee thanks, I'm glad that you don't love me! Glad to see I've been a great big fool! I told him I'd never thought that even though a part of me had - had even hoped it. We talked a bit more and then Stellar showed up. I haven't seen him in a while but he told me he wanted to talk to me. Well we talked and he confessed that he loved me. I was so surprised but it seemed to fit somehow... I wasn't in love with Stellar but I certainly had feelings for him and I knew that with him, I could regain that Indigo that I was when I first came on the streets. I could forget about what happened with Ash if I wanted to. He asked me to be his mate and I agreed. At some point, Ash must have realized what was happening and left. I looked around for him and then Stellar must have realized that I... I loved Ash. He told me he was letting me go - he wasn't going to hold me back from Ash if he was the one I had feelings for. I was so mad that he was giving up at the first sight of competition. I fled and then spent the next bit just as alone and even more depressed."

Her voice quavered slightly but then she pressed on, clearing her throat and speaking stronger. "Then I saw Ash again. The third time now. He was so mad at me but then... then he told me that he loved me - I'd already told him that Stellar and I were no longer. I was so surprised by this though but not really because a part of me had known it all along. Ash loved me. It fit so much but I just remember being so confused because I felt like I had hurt Ash so much - he should hate me not love me! And I thought that if I stayed I would hurt him even more. I told him I couldn't be with him and I was just so upset that I'd hurt Ash and Stellar so much and I ran up to the roof of the barn and tried to throw myself off it but Ash grabbed me before I could and pulled me back down and told I couldn't do that. I didn't listen. I ran past him and tried again. That time... he didn't stop me."

A tear rolled down her cheek and onto the asphalt. Indigo blinked once but otherwise did nothing. It was a moment before she continued. "When I opened my eyes I thought there must be an afterlife after all. But Ash was there and I remember thinking at first that he'd thrown himself after me and then feeling terrible but I precisely hadn't wanted to hurt him anymore. But then he would have been in heaven and I in hell so that didn't make sense. He told me he hadn't though. He was still alive. Then I realized that I was still alive and with that realization the pain of my injuries came into a sharp focus. He got help from some cat-loving human lady and she healed me. I stayed in her house and he hung around, always there when I needed him. But then... then I had to leave him. Not for good, of course! I was just so scared that I'd completely snapped at the chicken coop. Not in terms of anger but mentally... I'd lost it. I needed to go off by myself for the next month or so and try and figure stuff out then I;d come back to him and we could be mates."

She gave a wry grin. "And that's what I'm doing now." She sighed. Her grin quickly faded however to be replaced by a blush as she "came to" and remembered what she was doing and who she was with. And most importantly, realized how long she'd rambled on. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I can't believe -" She cut herself off before she could make things worse. "I did warn you it was long," she meowed awkwardly after a moment. Privately, she was horrified that she'd just poured all of that out to a complete stranger. Her life story! Since the streets anyway. Thank god she hadn't blabbed on about her time with humans too. But still! Her whole messed up love-life. She must seem like a complete freak. And she still hadn't even explained why she was so messed up right now. She sighed. "Anyways, the whole incident really freaked me out that I lost control so quickly and I was so afraid that I'm all mentally unstable. I still am afraid. Back there... I think I cracked again for some reason... That's why I'm so freaked out right now. It scares me that I lose control so easily and it scares me to think of it happening again." She shivered. "I mean, the first time, I tried to kill myself! Afterwards, I realized what a mistake it was but I thought I was over that. Things were good with Ash - right now they are good with Ash. And yet now I snapped again. It means I'm not better. I might never get better. And if I try and kill myself when I'm unstable then it scares me to think I might lose control again. What if I try suicide again and I'm not so lucky?" she asked quietly.

Indigo gulped. She'd kept that much shorter than the other stuff but it was also much more personal and she felt extremely vulnerable after pouring her heart and worries out to Osprey - out to a stranger, because, indeed, that's what he really was. She scuffed at the ground with her paw anxiously and then bent down to lick her chest fur so she could avert her gaze. What would he say? What could he say after her long life-love story and then innermost secrets outburst. She shook for a moment but then forced herself to calm down. Osprey was a stranger, yes, but that also meant that she shouldn't value his judgment highly at all. It should mean nothing to her. She'd probably never see him again. But the thought didn't cheer her because she knew that she'd already put value on whatever he would say - his judgment of her. It bothered her that she had because she knew there was no logical reason for it but all the same, she placed importance in what he would say - it would affect her. She exhaled a shaky breath and then lifted her head, gold eyes meeting Osprey's amber ones, searching them for a clue of what was going on in the black cat's mind.

OOC: Haha wow! A long one eh? Emotional too so there's a bonus! I know that still doesn't make up for taking so unfrickingbelivably long to reply but hopefully it makes things a teensy weensy bit better? Lol -hugs-

[osprey]

There wasn't much he could do after his little speech. Apart from wait, obviously. Yes, he was hungry. No, he wasn't going to go get food. Well, yet. He waited to see how this scene unravelled. He couldn't help wondering what she was feeling. Osprey knew what he was feeling, obviously. But he lacked the ability to control any mind reading skills he may have possessed. He knew, for one thing - he was going to remain calm through this. He couldn't lose his temper, he just couldn't. The ebony cat couldn't help dreading what would happen if he did. All he could do was bide his time, quietly watching her eating her chicken. He licked his chest absent mindedly, closing his eyes for a moment. The cat noted that Indigo had eaten her fill, as she quickly pushed the meat away. He wondered whether that this little conversation would develop into a small adventure, they might be able to explore a bit after he'd listened to what she had to say.

Osprey's eyes were like siamese twins, moving together as he watched the she cat stand up. His ears seemed even more alert than his eyes, as he patiently waited. A small, sympathetic smile spread on his face and he sat comfortably, his fluffy tail warming his paws. He wondered whether she believed him. He wondered whether she wanted to say anything. He wouldn't mind if she didn't. They could probably go explore to get both of their spirits up. Maybe soon. Osprey remembered an old slice of advice from his kittenhood. If you wanna know how some cat's feelin', think of you, young un' in their position. He remembered the elder cat's advice word for word. So he thought - would he believe himself if he was this Indigo? Was he trustable, or did he look like a liar? Osprey couldn't help being unsure: he suddenly realized he didn't know himself as much as he thought. His caring attitude to this orange feline surprised him if nothing else.

Indigo captured his full attention as she began to speak, and he fell into, well, almost a trance.A long story? Hmm. I think I can do long. I'm a good listener. Another cat dropped on the streets? There seems to be plenty of them. Well, my story seems to be slightly different at least. Okay, so there's Indigo and now Stellar. Oh, a crush? I didn't know there was, like, love involved. Anyway. Continue. So, now there's Ash. Uh oh. Another tom cat. This doesn't sound good. Osprey gave a small comforting smile as she hesitated and frowned. Right, so there's Stellar, who she has a crush on and now Ash who she is in love with? Wow, this is starting to get complicated. The shadowy tom was listening intently, his ears swivelled forwards, picking up what she was saying, He could hardly believe how big this was getting. She hated herself, which wasn't a good sign. The dump. What an amazing place to share feelings. But anyway. So - She's lost both of them? Oh no, no no no no no no! This isn't good. Not at all. The poor cat. I know how I'd feel if something even slightly similar happened to me. She sounds like she really loved him.

The tom cat was a good listener, and his emotions soared, and crashed, swooping up and down like a crazy eagle zooming clumsily after some smaller bird. But all the while he stayed still, listening itentely to the touching tale as it was told. The craziest, or most unusual part of the story was probably the attempted suicide. Osprey had had no idea about how serious this matter was, he had previously suspected it might be just stress from being abandoned or something. Gosh. He felt extremely sorry for her now - even he, Mr. I'm not gonna give up or break down into floods of tears, would completely lose it at this, if nothing else. It was almost impossible to imagine how the orange female would be feeling right now. At the point where a solitary tear slowly slid down her cheek, he felt an unusual urge to hug her, comfort her, somehow make it all better. Osprey had never felt like that before. At least, not for as long as he could remember.

Unsurprisingly, he was shocked at the fact that she had survived the drop in the first place, but he was equally pleased that she'd been able to recover. He understood why she felt like she wanted to leave him as well - she'd be able to calm down, and relax enough to get over the fact that she'd tried to commit suicide. Osprey waited for the story to end. Not impatiently, of course. Well, it was hard to say whether he was enjoying it. Everything was too complicated. But, this was a whole new world, full of things he didn't understand. This was very moving, and he'd probably remember it for the rest of his life. He could almost imagine himself, 11 years of age, about to go to that other place - remembering the orange she cat and her touching tale. Wondering whether everything turned out alright, in the end. He hoped so. He couldn't think of anything that would please him more right now.

Osprey couldn't hold back a chuckle as she apologized, despite himself, and smiled gently. "It's fine, don't worry," he soothed, in a soft purring voice. He wanted to make it aaaaallll better. He realized she hadn't finished her speech, and he continued to sit comfortably on the floor. Not such an ultra-amazing place to sit whilst listening to a cat pouring out their heart and soul in one moving speech. But still. He was there. So it would do. His amber eyes glanced up at her, noticing the horrified look on her face, and he wished he could comfort her further. The ebony feline's eyes grew wider as she continued to speak again. He could hardly believe how interested he was in this story, but it had touched his heart in a place covered by a hard layer of usually unbreakable, rough stone.

As she completed her looonnnnggg speech, he realized this was the moment for him to say something. But what? Osprey had noticed that she seemed to be regretting telling a cat who she only just met a long account of her love life. He hesitated. As you may have guessed, Osprey wasn't the most emotional cat in Nenbrook. His mind seemed to have gone blank, as he rapidly searched for something to say. Go with the flow, Osprey. Go with the flow.

"Wow. I had no idea, really. I'm sorry, if I've hurt you at all. You didn't have to. Sometimes memories can be harder than rocks, sharper than claws. But I'm sure you're going to be fine. Indigo, I'll help you. I'll help you as much as I need to. I'm sure, well, I sure do hope that you won't try and kill yourself again. It must be so hard for you. Harder than I'd ever imagine. Ever. I can't belive how you must feel right now. I'm not a cat who's good at speeches, or whatever. But if you ever need a break, to get away from it all with someone who can at least try and help you, I mean, I might never see you again but I'm sure, you can always come to me. I can comfort you. As much as I can. I know I'm pretty much a stranger, but still. I just feel so sorry for you. So I want to help. Oh and don't worry, I'm not gonna be just another complicated section of your love life," he chuckled symaphetically at this point. "I'm just a cat who really, really wants to do all that he can."

ooc:: FINALLY done. Oh, and it's fine about the wait. I do it sometimes. ;] The legnth did make it better though. xD

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Admin's Note on January 29th, 2009: This thread is being archived due to inactivity (yeah MY fault, I know, sorries. Who knows, maybe it'll come out of the archives sometime in the future to be finished but for now it needs to be whooshed off.)